What About Bob
by codedriver
Summary: Mac discovers what can happen when you don't child proof your home.


What About Bob  
  
Author: TC Amlin  
  
Disclaimers: Same as always, I don't own them I am just using them for fun, Star Wars belongs to Lucas Films.  
  
Rated R for adult humor  
  
Classification: Humor, Harm/Mac and little AJ  
  
Spoilers: Set after Tribunals, what happens when you let a child loose in your apartment and don't child proof it.  
  
Beta and co-authors Barb and Madam X, who with out their help and ideas some of my best stuff would never happen.  
  
This and all of my other work can be found at www.geocities.com/code_driver/TCFFHP.htm  
  
I will also add that this story came from a conversation with Barb (enough said), which led to the idea. How Star Wars ended up in this piece is anyone's guess, but I promise by the end you will get the idea. May the Force be with you.  
  
Also this is for Sharon, I hope that you are on the mend and back on the lists soon. We miss you.  
  
Mac's place  
  
1500 EST  
  
Mac ran for the door dodging small cars and trucks trying to catch the idiot knocking at her door before they woke up little AJ. "Damn it, Harm," she said as swung the door open, " don't be so loud."  
  
"Sorry Mac, I didn't realize that I was knocking so loud," Harm returned in a near whisper. "Is the little guy wearing you out? Can't handle a three year old?" He added as he carried in some groceries and movies.  
  
His smile grew wider as her glare followed him through her usually immaculate apartment now turned a toddler war zone.  
  
She smacked him across the shoulder as he passed. "I didn't know he was a small wrecking crew. I have been lucky so far he hasn't crawled up on my bone table," she sighed as she fell back onto the couch. Mac agreed to keep AJ so Harriet could get a quick weekend in Naples with Bud for their anniversary and once Harm heard, he offered to help out with dinner and movies, but boy did the child have energy. Harriet promised to make it up to the two of them when she got back.  
  
Harm set the bag containing dinner down and then joined her on the couch. "So the big bad marine is overpowered by one small child, why Mac I would have never of thought it."  
  
"Be nice, Commander or you might just find yourself alone with him tomorrow and Monday."  
  
"Mac, I have had AJ alone before and we did just fine."  
  
Mac looked over at him in surprise, "When?"  
  
"Last summer before you returned from the GC. Harriet and Bud asked me to keep him overnight from Saturday till late Sunday. So I went home and child proofed my place, you know putting everything above four feet if you don't want it on the floor and destroyed and then some locks for the things you couldn't move. He had a blast but I was removing jelly from walls and cabinets and cookie crumbs from the couch for weeks."  
  
Mac moaned, "I wish I had thought about where his hands would go before I fed him PBJ this afternoon."  
  
Harm chuckled, "Trust me PBJ's are not the only gooey junk that gets stuck all over the place."  
  
"That's why I have a dog Harm, he is the best floor cleaner in the world and since he and AJ are about the same height Jingo removes most of the evidence before I can find it." Mac winked back at him.  
  
"I'll have to remember that in a few years." Sighed Harm.  
  
"Remember what in a few years?" Mac looked at him oddly.  
  
"A dog to go with our deal," Harm answered wondering if he'd just said too much. He had enjoyed the past few weeks of dinners together and the closeness was back to a time when things were good.  
  
Mac could only keep from staring blankly, wondering if he was talking about the DEAL.  
  
Harm turned his head and quickly changed the subject, "I brought a couple of movies. AJ and I watched the Star Wars series and he loved it so I brought it over to watch again. Harriet told me afterwards all he talked about were light sabers."  
  
"So the younger Roberts' loves aliens like the elder?"  
  
"Yes, he does," Harm chuckled.  
  
About that time AJ came running into the room, "Uncle Harm, Uncle Harm."  
  
Harm knelt down on the floor, "Hey their buddy, how was your nap?"  
  
"Okay." AJ replied as he hugged Harm.  
  
As Harm released the little guy, "I brought Star Wars over so we can watch it again. That sounds good to you?" Harm asked as AJ nodded as Harm released him, "And guess what? Uncle Harm brought you a present."  
  
"What Uncle Harm, what?"  
  
Harm got up and went over to the bag and returned to the couch with a child size light saber. He handed it to AJ and then grinned an evil smile at Mac when he thought of the havoc AJ was going to cause with the toy and its lights and sounds.  
  
"Now me and Aunt Mac can play since she has one too."  
  
Harm laughed, "You have a light saber Mac?" Placing his hand over his heart, "You never told me you liked to use the Force." He quipped.  
  
Mac for her part was confused at what AJ was talking about, "I don't own a light saber."  
  
"Yes, she does, Uncle Harm. I'll get it." And before either adult could react, the tyke was gone into Mac's bedroom.  
  
"I swear I have no idea of what he is talking about." she said, as her eyes followed him.  
  
Harm couldn't get the grin off his face over Mac's discomfort and he really broke out laughing when AJ returned.  
  
AJ tugged on Harm's pants and presented him with a 14 inch long white vibrator in his hands.  
  
Her face as red as the strobes on a rescue ambulance, Mac stopped breathing as he not only held the thing aloft, but turned it on, setting the speed to high.  
  
"See, Uncle Harm. I told you Aunt Mac had one but it only stays out and shakes funny. I like Vader's better because it's red. Aunt Mac, can you make this one red, too?" the little boy asked, innocently.  
  
Harm was howling as Mac got up and took the dildo from AJ. "No," she said in even clipped tones, "I can't make it red and I know it doesn't do what Vader's does."  
  
Harm with eyes nearly watering, "Mac has a special light saber AJ but no one is supposed to know about it. You know we don't want the dark side to know."  
  
If Mac did know how to use the Force, Harm knew he would have been dead in seconds. Her eyebrow was half way up her forehead, doing enough to add humor to the situation and imply the death threat he could tell was coming later.  
  
AJ looked questioningly at Harm and then at the ground, "I'm sorry, Aunt Mac."  
  
"It's okay, AJ but this isn't a toy and this isn't for young boys to play with," she said with the straightest of faces she could. "So I am going to put it away while you and Uncle Harm start the movie." She stood up, took the vibrator from AJ and quickly headed for her bedroom.  
  
Harm was fighting to keep from laughing even more as he, too, got up and put in the movie. After a few minutes and promise from AJ to stay put on the couch, he headed after Mac.  
  
He found her in the bathroom moving things to the top shelves. "So, where did you place Bob?"  
  
"Excuse me?" She bit back, hating that he was laughing at her.  
  
"BOB, your battery operated boyfriend? You know your personal light saber? Where did you hide him?"  
  
"That is none of your business Harm."  
  
"Well from what I gathered from AJ, he was kept in the bottom drawer of you night stand. See why I child proofed my place."  
  
"I want to warn you Harm that it is taking every thing I have not to knock that smile off you face."  
  
Harm couldn't help it as he burst out laughing again as Mac turned red, especially when she grabbed a box of tampons to move to higher ground.  
  
Trying to regain an upper hand, "What did you move up Harm, anything that blows up?"  
  
Knowing that she might come back at him with something he was ready, "No, I bit her tit, she farted and flew out the window."  
  
"That was old and lame Harm." She said as she cracked a smile and made one last look around the bottom cabinet.  
  
Leaning against the doorframe, "I have never known you to go for imitation stuff Mac. You always seemed like you liked the real thing."  
  
"I do… when it is offered."  
  
"Do you like to use the Force Mac?" he asked, his eyes gleaming.  
  
"Yes," deciding to strike back, "because at least I can let go."  
  
Catching her meaning, "I have, Mac. I have let go."  
  
"Really?" She stopped, and turned to him.  
  
"Yes. Really. I have changed. I have let go of my past." Looking away from her. "I have learned to believe."  
  
"The dark side no longer rules you?" she questioned, curiously.  
  
"No, it doesn't." Harm decided at that point he'd better return to the three year old wonder destructor before something else happened." Oh, and make sure you move or hide the condoms," he advised, with a humor filled shot as he left her. "They are a pain to blow up if he thinks that they are balloons."  
  
"Ugh!" Mac shouted as she threw a bottle of baby powder at his retreating back.  
  
Harm only laughed as he made his way to join AJ.  
  
The End  
  
Be advised there is a part II on the way  
  
So stand by for more of the  
  
Bob Thrillogies 


End file.
